Love is Messy.

Let me tell you about a thing called love.

(I know you're dying for that song now. Click here. You're welcome.)

Warning: No, I'm not married. Yes, I'm only 21 years old. I don't know everything about love, in fact I will probably look back in 20 years and laugh at my naivety. But, I do have an extensive love background in Taylor-Swift-song-belting, awkward school dances, accidentally saying "I love you" on a first date, learning how to put up boundaries, having my heart broken, learning how to say "no", breaking hearts, and falling in love again.

 Here is my take, take it or leave it :) 

Myth: Love is easy.
Myth: Love is pretty.
Myth: Love is perfect. 
Fact: Love is a hard, messy, flawed, beautiful thing.

When I was a little girl, I used to dream of knights and princes and Noah Calhoun, who would romance the socks off of Allie and any princess they chose. Their charm, wit, handsome smiles, and constant chivalrous gestures would sweep any girl off their feet. And like the end of any girlish fantasy, Hilary Duff kisses Chad Michael Murry in the rain ("waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought"..  I mean, presh), Bella is #TeamEdward, and the boy would sweep the princess off of her feet onto his white horse and they would gallop off into the fiery sunset where they would spend their days doing who-knows-what. I never really got that far.

Fact: it doesn't happen like that.

In real life, your prince is probably going to drive a 2006 Nissan Sentra and will be afraid of horses. In real life, kissing in the rain really sucks and gives you a cold. In real life, it's weird to date a vampire and Noah and Allie have tons of issues they need to work out.

In real life, your prince is going to have flaws. Huge faults that can rock your relationship to the core. Sometimes this prince can do really stupid things. Likewise, sometimes the princess is a little moody (or a lot). He is no Abercrombie Model, as you are not the primped, polished, Photoshopped model in the magazine. You have tons of flaws, too. You will get mad too easy, lash out for no reason, and cry too much. Love is not always a smiling, Valencia-filtered, Instagram photo. There are many moments of long silences, drawn out fights, hurtful words, and messy, mascara smeared, blubbering, angry, awkward, moments...

.. and that is OKAY!

Love is meant to be messy. We have learned to take the reality out of romance by Facebook stalking our newest love interests, posting our best selfie out of the 2000 we actually took, and obsessing over glamorized movies filled with fake lines. It's just not how it's supposed to be. Romance is meant to be awkward. There are supposed to be imperfections and zits and awkward giggles. It's real life, and love should be real, too.

True romance is the moment when you are fighting and you both look at each other and decide to give up. It is looking across the room and smirking because you are thinking the same thing. It's always listening to the drama you are having with your friends, and knowing when you need to be the good listener instead. It is embarrassing nicknames, breaking out in a severe allergic reaction on your first valentines day together (true story), snorting when you laugh, and knowing that sometimes he just needs some gas station sunflower seeds. Anything less, I have realized, is mediocre. 

Be real. Let down your walls. Share, teach, and excite the next generations with ideas of true romance.. not the fake, glass house stuff that we have been jaded by. Maybe then girls will daydream about late McDonalds runs, silly board game dates, and their smelly, funny, awkward, real prince, instead of feeling inadequate in the realness of love that they have and always searching for more. 

Maybe then, we will see a difference in divorce rates, heartbreak, and disappointed people who leave the second they find out the person they are with has a flaw. It's time to kill these stupid myths. 

 Dear 14 year old me, 

Have some grace toward yourself and that boy beside you. You're both figuring it out. By no means do I mean settle. Do not be afraid to walk away from something bad. Too many princesses have been duped into loving frogs. But, do not be disappointed by the beautiful, messy, reality that is love. Real romance does not have its own movie, its the person sitting next to you in the theater. You are a princess, and you deserve the world. It will just come packaged a little differently than you expected. 

PS. It's coming quicker than you think :)

Love, me.

Dear Jacob, 

You are so, so awesome. You have taught me what it is really like to love someone through it all and genuinely. Through surgery, through doubt, through tears, anger, and hurt, you have always chosen to love this messy, awkward, princess. I love that you are the prince that I get to ugly-cry in front of, fight with, talk too loud at dinner with, and cackle about jokes to. I would choose you over Noah any and everyday. You are my REAL love, and I am excited to learn more about love with you and for every step of this crazy life with you. XOXO :)

Love, me.